Spoiling VS Building Pride

Once upon a time, in a not so far off land, I was raised to respect money, earn it doing extra chores or babysitting, save for something special, and purchase it. That feeling of wanting something so bad, like a new flavor of lip gloss, a new record, or being allowed to take the bus to the mall and eat lunch and shop all day, was the best feeling ever. Or better yet, really wanting a new bike or a Barbie house and having to wait until my birthday, 6 months away. Those were the days. Maybe we didn’t see it that way. But truth be told, once we got the cool new item, we cherished it, took good care of it, had pride in our selves, used it to death, and probably still remember the feeling when we got it.
Fast forward to today. Wow, how things have changed. Kids may do chores, but how much are they being paid??? And lose a tooth. The tooth fairy must be rich now a day. Kids want the new phone, video game, skate board, or whatever is the hot item at the moment. What happens….the parents hand it to them. Literally hand them the phone, full with text and Internet. So, the child or teen has this phone handed to them. No strings attached. No money to be worked off, no responsibility toward it. Free and clear, your phone to use any way that you choose. Many times no rules associated with it. Sometimes its to ease the parents guilt of being to busy, or they may be unsure how to make the child feel loved or important. Buying them 'Stuff' is an easy way out to score points or 'just keep the child happy'.
But what next? Don’t forget, they need to purchase the blingy or cool looking case and then apps, also with no regard to the price involved and monthly fees. This scenario holds true for any item on their wish list. Put it on the wish list, and parent scratches it off even before the ink dries. The thing with the phone is that new phones with special bells and whistles are coming out at lightning speed, so the top of the line today, isn’t good enough in 9 months to a year. And the wish list is updated.
When a child or teen receives items just because they want them or ‘everyone has it’, and there is no wait involved, responsibility to earn it, or deals made with the parents, the excitement is short lived when they get it. What is so exciting about getting something you’ve wanted for…umm…3 days? And especially knowing that when the new video game or cool skate board comes out you’ll get that version, why would you put so much care into this one?
What happens when they get everything handed to them and the thrill lasts 2 days and there isn’t a new and improved version for 6 months? Disappointment sets in. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to hope for, dream of, make quiet wishes for. Then, what’s the point for them to even think of earning money? Washing cars, dog sitting, mowing lawns, babysitting, pulling weeds, and one of my childhood memories…picking up spoiled plums from my neighbor’s tree . That’s how we made money for our very wanted items.
If children receive everything they want when they snap their fingers, it actually can have the opposite effect for our children that what we strive for. It can make them unappreciative, lower self-esteem, and cause a distorted understanding of what love, as well as, true happiness is. It also misleads them into what the child feels about the ‘Real’ world, and can be disappointing at a point in which they move on to college or adulthood. Remember what it feels like to Want…really want something, and finally get it. That pride of ownership. That’s one of the best feeling and may even stay with us forever.