Life Is Like A Dot To Dot Picture

Today I had an epiphany. Once in a while I suddenly realize something and it’s like lightning upon me. The answer to an unasked question comes and it’s an amazing feeling. So this is it….Our life is like a dot to dot picture. When we connect the dots, we begin to see what and where we are headed in our journey we call life.
What do I mean???? Well, we get small gifts or hints in our lives that may seem insignificant to us at any given time. Like meeting a new person in an unusual manner half way across the world that helps you in your life and gives you a sense of comfort and connection. Running late and bumping into someone that has something important to tell you. Getting lost and driving to the wrong location, just to find the something you’ve needed, but didn’t know existed. Meeting someone and instantly knowing you were ‘meant to’ for a reason unknown at the time. Going through a very painful divorce, finding yourself and marring Mr. Right and living happily ever after, now. Or have you ever heard of someone having an injury that needed minor medical attention and finding out they actually have major medical issues and can be cured in time. I have.
Each day to day thing we do is a small dot on our full picture. We find it hard to imagine that dot 1 leads in the correct direction to dot 2, then 3 then 4 and so on. We seem to think its all random coincidences but actually there are no coincidences. It’s a plan. A perfectly planned out picture of what each of us is supposed to do while we are here.
At times, things can seem so difficult. So unimaginably painful, scary, or unpredictable. We live in the moment and at that moment we may find it difficult to move forward. To ever get past it to a positive place again. For me, I panic, I get an electrical feeling inside my entire body, I find it harder to breath, and all I can do is clean. Pretty funny. My house is cleanest when I’m stressed. I almost feel like it will never be okay again. Then, something else happens and either makes the issue better or takes the edge off and I can move on to just a minor stressed feeling. Then, I see the things that occurred because of the problem. I did something that made Me stronger within Myself, I became resourceful and found a way to solve the issue that I would never have thought of if I wasn’t so panicked, or I learned a lesson that I will take with me for my entire life.
When I sit back and see how one thing led to another and how that led to something greater, I can see the bigger picture. I feel like in order to fully see and understand, we need to be open to getting out our crayons, so to speak, and connecting the dots. It’s so amazing to me to see how doing something that seemed a mistake led to something so wonderful or eye opening.  By just exploring the possibilities and searching through past events, you can see how you are where you are and headed to and in the correct direction. People in your life, a job, where you live, everything you are was a connection from something that preceded it. Life is about learning and growing. If we never had disappointment or pain, we wouldn’t fully understand, grow, become compassionate, and have gratitude. Each time we get through a difficult time, a positive thing has occurred.  Even the most tragic and earth shattering experiences can lead to your right path in life.
At the end of our life we will see our full picture. Bright, colorful, and complete. Live each day to the fullest and know, the next dot might actually be in a place that surprises you the most.   XOXO

Simple Happiness

It seems to me that around fall each year most people begin to reflect on their lives and start the process of giving thanks and appreciation for all they have gone through and received this past year. I’m not sure if it’s coming to an end of a year…feeling a relief for a new beginning arriving soon and having high expectations that the new year will be better or easier, or wanting Santa to be extra generous…
I almost feel that if we live each day to the fullest, whether a good day or a difficult day and reflect of it and appreciate the lessons learned and gifts we have received from them, we will learn true happiness and appreciation within and enjoy life- a bit more, perhaps. It can’t be that happiness is measured on getting the new car, buying a house, receiving a diamond ring. That’s just too simple. There are too many Happy people who don’t have a lot of ‘stuff’. And there’s no means of topping that every day, anyway. Then disappointment sets in. I mean…lets be real, who really wants a new diamond ring or expensive gifts, daily. It would get a bit boring and we’d have no way to really find a thrill or joy.
What I’m finding for myself is when I reflect on my joys in my life, I find that tiny things make me so happy. Having a delicious cup of coffee in my favorite oversized mug, new shower gel with an amazing scent, a new rose growing on my tree next to my car, a beautiful sunset after days of rain, or my dog cuddling up while watching a movie, those are things that put a smile on my face. But, above all, I feel for myself that experiences shared with others, is much more cherished. The senses are all being used and stored in my heart for me to draw out and remember at any time. Watching my sons playing their sports is something I enjoy and look forward to. There are so many parts to it. Friends I have made, the smell of the hockey bag on the way home, the coldness of the rink, the taste of hot chocolate, the sounds of the yelling fans, and watching him skate and get excited when he scores. All put together make a sweet memory. Another is being with my kids for a game night. The laughter I hear, the high fives, the snacks, the love I see between the five of them, and the smell of the popcorn popping, are so special and everlasting to me. Sitting in the park with a friend to have a heart to heart chat, scrapbooking with my buddys, vacations, an adventure, or holiday celebrations can be things we reflect on in our lives and realize the lives we’ve touched or that have touched us, and happiness can be just that simple.
So, when considering what you want for a gift, sometimes a gift of an experience with someone is so much more memorable and worth much more than any gift that can be bought. So, go out and have an adventure of a life time and live your life to the fullest…..and cherish it, forever. And don’t forget to ‘take time to smell the roses’

Uncovering the Real You...Its always been there.

What if you were to step out of your comfort zone? Step into a place where you may feel uncertain, a bit uncomfortable or even perhaps… panicky. What if you were to realize that is the true you. Your true essential self inside you, born to you, the you that you really are, but may be cautious to listen to and act on. You could do more and feel happier, be more confident, or even become successful, if you listened to it, and its been right there with you all the time. Throw out other people’s opinions, ignore your social self the self that tries to fit in. The part of you that tries to do what others think you should do or what you think you should do. The part of you… that is afraid to fail and perhaps be looked upon in a negative way.
Remember for a minute, back to when you are around 3-5 years old. Small children usually live through their Essential Self because they are true to themselves. They are usually carefree, and do as they please. They choose things they like or want and don’t consider that it may be looked upon as not the norm. Small children may be considered selfish, spoiled, rotten, or rude by many. But actually they are putting themselves first; looking out for their best interests, honest with their feelings, and usually know what it is that they want. They begin this around 2, which is often called ‘The Terrible Twos’. I call it The Terrific Twos. I love when children are beginning to find themselves and are becoming a bit independent and love making their own choices. Sure, their clothes choices are a bit odd with mixed designs and mismatching colors. But this is what they like. Usually when we do what we like, we are happy. Sure, at this young age we need to guide these little ones and help them to be safe and respectful, responsible and kind to others. But, what usually begins to happen is parents want their children to ‘fit in’. Be like everyone else. “Susie likes her red shirt and blue jeans. Your stripped shirt and checkered skirt look strange and don’t match.’ Or ‘you should pretend you’re a doctor….not a trash man or construction worker. They don’t make a lot of money and are always dirty.’ At 4 years old. Too funny. Then little Scotty always pretends he’s a doctor, grows up and becomes a doctor and always wishes he were a trash man or construction worker.
Being a child is so carefree. We were so happy just being us. Then it hits us, we need to conform to what others think we should be or do or look like. Then, we aren’t so carefree any more. That is when we begin living through our social selves and not living the life we were meant to live. We wake up to a life that is not truly what we want or perhaps a job we hate, or activities we don’t enjoy, people we are stuck with just because, and realize that this isn’t what our heart desires.
Get down to the basics. Dig deep into who you are and try to listen, try to feel, and try to remember who you really are. Here is a mediation exercise to try. Take some time, maybe 10 minutes a day and get to a peaceful place inside of you. Imagine and discover your desires, dreams, and unfulfilled hopes. Imagine yourself in a life that feels real to you. Use your senses and grasp every dimension of this experience. Discover what it is that you had always felt would be right in your life, yet you haven’t accomplished or experienced to this point. Feel how relaxed you become when you’re imagining/dreaming what your purpose, likes, hopes, and ambitions really are. You are feeling what your life could be like if you listened to your wants and desires. You will probably feel relaxed and happy each time you bring yourself back to this “happy spot’. You may choose to write your thoughts and dreams down and see how you uncover your information and where it may lead you. Try this exercise for a month at least 10 minutes a day. Find your essential self…it’s there, it always has been. See where this meditation exercise takes you. I promise if you live for your essential self, you will be truly happy with your life. Of course our social self will still have a place in us. But if we can find a place in which they meet and agree to something, we can truly find happiness with in and that is the ultimate goal.
Please answer these questions and reflect on each one. Be honest with yourself, because you are the only one grading this. Take some time if needed or perhaps print this and write out the answers. Retake it again in a month after doing the exercises. Enjoy and remember… we only live this life Once!

1. As a child, I always dreamt of becoming a _______________.
2. I’m my happiest when I get to_________________________.
3. If money wasn’t a road block, I would___________________.
4. If I could have a ‘do over’ I would change_________________.
5. My strengths are____________________________________.
6. I wish I had the guts to_______________________________.
7. If you had 1 year left to live, what changes in your life would you make?

_________________________________________________.

When Saying NO, Really Means YES. Sending our children mixed messages.

It’s so funny to me when I hear kids asking their mom for something and the moms instantly reply…without a thought put into it is…’No’. It’s funny to me just because I know what that No really is. Its…’Well I should say no, or don’t bother me now, or I should teach him/her something right now.’ But after a few minutes of whining, begging or crying, guess what? The answer suddenly is a ‘Yes. Sure. Go ahead and have 3 more cookies before dinner. Of course you can have your 12^th pair of pink flip flops. Why not get another set of Legos…you only have 10,000 pieces.’ The easiest way to stop a whining child from hitting that 1 nerve that sends shivers up and down our backs, is to just give in and say ‘Yes’.
Kids are pretty smart. They catch on very quickly to how we handle situations and how they can manipulate us. Without a degree in such subjects, they know how to control us and get whatever it is they want….so they think. Until we catch on. Until we get smarter than them and face facts that we are setting our kids up for a big disappointment. When they don’t get the job at the ice cream shop with their friends, when they don’t get into the college they want. Or when that cool new car is out of their budget and the auto dealer doesn’t give it to them because they have a BooBoo lip and sweet face that we always fall for.
Life is about learning and growing, even at a young age. Learning to be patient, learning that sometimes things don’t go our way and how to pick ourselves up and move on. If children don’t learn that young, we as parents aren’t giving them the full ability to become well rounded people. Life has disappointments. But it’s how we handle them that help us make life happier and easier to live in with certain situations.
I personally want to be the person to teach my children disappointment and satisfaction. The reason behind that is when I disappoint my child, I know I will be there to help them through it and grow. Pick up the pieces and show them there are always choices and reasons behind any decision. ‘Mom, can I have my 2nd cupcake?’...’.No, two is definitely too much and dinner is in an hour. I made your favorite, tacos. And if you fill up on another cupcake, you won’t enjoy your yummy tacos’. Wow! Simple, to the point, no whining,
respect earned, and a lesson learned. No, I’m not a mean mom. My kids always know why I make decisions and after a short time, they actually know the answers before they ask, and I promise, they don’t even ask any more. They learn to make the correct choices for themselves.
The economy is difficult now. Many families are faced with not having the job we want, the new furniture we’ve been dreaming about, or the yearly vacation. We can be good role models and make this a positive learning experience. When they hear adults whine about things that we didn’t get, they think that’s how they should react to disappointments. But if we find a positive in something or maybe an alternative approach, they will become accustom to finding solutions and understanding in life’s ups and downs. Going to work each morning in a lower paying job but holding your head up high and doing a great job at it, is a great example. Planning a fun staycation experience and saving money while still making the fun family memories. Working together and repainting a bike and adding small touches to it instead of buying a new one. So, the next time little Suzie is whining for something, listen to how you answer her and how she reacts. Then, rethink another way to handle it and try that and see which way gets a better response as well as becomes a learning experience. In the end, we are their mentors, teachers, cheer leaders and role models. We need to guide them to a bright, happy, and realistic future.

The Ultimate Goal is Happiness For Our Children

From the day we find out we are having a little bundle of love… we start to imagine all the exciting things we will do, give, and experience with him or her. She’s going to be a ballerina, he will play hockey, she will learn to sing and be a teacher, and he will be rough and tough and become a doctor. These thoughts run through our minds at lightning speed and we dream of the day our children will be successful.
But is it that simple...really? Now let’s look at this new bundle as a blank slate waiting to absorb all of our wishes, dreams, and our mistakes along the way and learn to grow up to be Happy, well-adjusted, responsible and respectful individuals in society. Would that too be considered SUCCESSFULL? I mean, must they have straight A’s and become a lawyer or rich in order to be considered ‘Successful’?
At times, parents put so much time, pressure, and effort into school grades, dance classes and several sports…chauffeuring them all around town. Don’t forget the parents that begin to teach them to read at age 2…in diapers or extra tutoring at 3^rd grade to ensure your child will get into Harvard, not even considering if they’d want to go there. All of this extra pressure in order to guarantee that little Scotty or Sally will Be Happy when they grow up. Robbing them of some of their carefree childhood. causing unneeded stress, when all they really want is to giggle and play and experience new things and just live life for the fun of it all.
What goals would benefit our children to ensure a Happy adulthood and a life they and you could be proud of? Well first, write down a list of what you’d really want your children to achieve. My list starts with Happiness, then to responsible, respectful, prideful, moral, hardworking, and loving. For me, I feel if my 5 children achieve all of these, they would be successful, and everything else would fall into place.
What does your list look like?? If your answers to the goals you have for your children’s future are something like….huge house, fancy trips, expensive and frivolous items, and a new car every year…then maybe your views and mine on happiness differ. That life of money, how much money, and how to get more money doesn’t always come with happiness, love, content, self-esteem, self-worth, satisfaction, and pride. Sure, we all strive for those fun things and a prosperous life of wonderful easy living, but that is the bonus. What do all those things mean to people who don’t have true happiness within and self-pride and content? It usually means that they need to keep acquiring more and more in order to fulfill a void….and what might the void be….? True Happiness within, perhaps?
So, maybe if we all start considering the ultimate goal for our children and point them into the right direction at a young age, surround them with experiences instead of things, show them unconditional love, be proud of their accomplishments whether small or large, and treat them with respect, perhaps we will have a many more happy adults in the future. And really, it’s not too late for us adults to head in a happier direction. Refocus our goals and look at what our lives are really centered around…..things or love and happiness? We may get more rewards from the second choice. And finding true happiness from within is the ultimate goal we can reach.

Spoiling VS Building Pride

Once upon a time, in a not so far off land, I was raised to respect money, earn it doing extra chores or babysitting, save for something special, and purchase it. That feeling of wanting something so bad, like a new flavor of lip gloss, a new record, or being allowed to take the bus to the mall and eat lunch and shop all day, was the best feeling ever. Or better yet, really wanting a new bike or a Barbie house and having to wait until my birthday, 6 months away. Those were the days. Maybe we didn’t see it that way. But truth be told, once we got the cool new item, we cherished it, took good care of it, had pride in our selves, used it to death, and probably still remember the feeling when we got it.
Fast forward to today. Wow, how things have changed. Kids may do chores, but how much are they being paid??? And lose a tooth. The tooth fairy must be rich now a day. Kids want the new phone, video game, skate board, or whatever is the hot item at the moment. What happens….the parents hand it to them. Literally hand them the phone, full with text and Internet. So, the child or teen has this phone handed to them. No strings attached. No money to be worked off, no responsibility toward it. Free and clear, your phone to use any way that you choose. Many times no rules associated with it. Sometimes its to ease the parents guilt of being to busy, or they may be unsure how to make the child feel loved or important. Buying them 'Stuff' is an easy way out to score points or 'just keep the child happy'.
But what next? Don’t forget, they need to purchase the blingy or cool looking case and then apps, also with no regard to the price involved and monthly fees. This scenario holds true for any item on their wish list. Put it on the wish list, and parent scratches it off even before the ink dries. The thing with the phone is that new phones with special bells and whistles are coming out at lightning speed, so the top of the line today, isn’t good enough in 9 months to a year. And the wish list is updated.
When a child or teen receives items just because they want them or ‘everyone has it’, and there is no wait involved, responsibility to earn it, or deals made with the parents, the excitement is short lived when they get it. What is so exciting about getting something you’ve wanted for…umm…3 days? And especially knowing that when the new video game or cool skate board comes out you’ll get that version, why would you put so much care into this one?
What happens when they get everything handed to them and the thrill lasts 2 days and there isn’t a new and improved version for 6 months? Disappointment sets in. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to hope for, dream of, make quiet wishes for. Then, what’s the point for them to even think of earning money? Washing cars, dog sitting, mowing lawns, babysitting, pulling weeds, and one of my childhood memories…picking up spoiled plums from my neighbor’s tree . That’s how we made money for our very wanted items.
If children receive everything they want when they snap their fingers, it actually can have the opposite effect for our children that what we strive for. It can make them unappreciative, lower self-esteem, and cause a distorted understanding of what love, as well as, true happiness is. It also misleads them into what the child feels about the ‘Real’ world, and can be disappointing at a point in which they move on to college or adulthood. Remember what it feels like to Want…really want something, and finally get it. That pride of ownership. That’s one of the best feeling and may even stay with us forever.

Excuses Excuses.....

Excuses Excuses ....Lets just own up.

When I think about all the excuses people give to defend their (misbehaving) children, I find it to be somewhat amusing as well as concerning. Most parents hope to raise sweet, happy, honest, and well behaved little people. But, something can happen a long the way. We see these little angels who we adore and spoil, and look away when they are naughty and undirected. We forget that these innocent little beings came to us with a blank canvas. We are here to add color, excitement, knowledge, and most of all guide these little people in the correct direction. Yes, playing, reading, and enjoying them is the easy part. But, disciplining a child is a place that parents can get confused about. "do I spank?? No!' "Do I yell? No" Those were techniques used long ago that many consider inappropriate now a days. "I'm a COOL parent. Ill be her friend. She will be happy and my job will be easy" Wrong with a capital W. Friends are people we are parallel with. Children need to understand there's a difference between friendly fun between mom and her little buddy and a equal friendship relationship. When the respect isn't there for the parent, that is when issues begin. Gain respect, gain control, and the understanding will be there. It is our responsibility to show them and to influence our children to be a happy addition around others instead of a unwanted visitor.

So, excuses excuses. What do I mean by that. Well, when a child is being naughty, most parents won't admit that their child is a handful. The easy thing to do is make excuses. I've heard them all and don't believe any of them. From children in grocery stores throwing food out of the cart and the flustered mom doing the cover up and saying "she had a bad day at preschool", to spitting children at the park that "missed his nap". Screaming kids or children that won't share, its funny its all blamed on a missing nap, bad nights sleep, hungry, teething, or 'probably coming down with something-Again'. We all make excuses when the problem that is happening is embarrassing and we can't control the situation, so instead of looking like we are loosing a battle with a 3 year old...just make up a common phrase, and everyone looks compassionate toward you, But we all know its an excuse. Plain and simple. Truly, does anyone buy it? No!  It's the code word excuses that clue us in. I think you will get more compassion from the other people if you 1. try to resolve the problem at the moment. 2. prepare your child before a possible situation may begin. ( before entering a store or restaurant.)  3. remove child from situations, as to not annoy others, 4. if all else fails, just admit your child has a hard time sitting for long periods of time, doesn't share well yet, or has a short fuse and is grumpy. Most people will respond to honesty much better than the made up excuses. And who know, maybe facing the reality of being embarrassed will in turn help the children and parents deal with the underling discipline problems head on.